It would be nice to disappear

Gone in smokes

Location, unclear.

It would be nice to disappear

To cease to exist

To stop the resist

It would be nice to disappear

To take a break and come back later

Or if I have the choice, maybe never

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You. 

Finding you felt accidental

Approaching you was experimental,

You got my eyes mooning,

My heart quickly beating

You were the guy 

From the other side

You were the guy 

I thought wouldn’t reply

You made me brave

Say things that I felt

You made me wander

Go over boundaries ahead.

Today

Today I decided that I wont go to the gym

That I will eat that pint of ice cream

That I will watch and read all those scenes

That I will let myself feel

That I wouldnt think

That I wouldn’t worry

That just for today, I wouldn’t be bothered

That my dreams and goals will still be my dreams and goals

But I’ll just take a step back

Just for today.

Sometimes

Sometimes, I wish that I am not as invested with my body as I am.

Sometimes, I wish that I just don’t care about other’s feelings.

Sometimes, I wish that I dont pay attention to every detail people say in a conversation

Sometimes, I wish that I don’t set it in me to strive for authenticity, even if it means brutal honesty, in myself

Sometimes, I wish that I just dont care. Period. 

Sometimes. Some times. 

Not stuck

I’ve always been a girl who dreams to live
See the world and experience life
I dont need it to be easy
Just not stagnant and stuck
I dont need to be filthy rich
But full of memories and life lessons
New friends, new culture
New purpose and new capabilities
I want a fresh start, even if it is standing on unsteady wobbly legs
Just, please, not stuck
Slumped at the same spot

Rest

This is the battle I’ve been gearing up for
A battle I thought I could single-handedly conquer and win
But I never thought I’d be too rusty
Or that the time I alloted wouldn’t be enough for a breath and a wink
But through this battle,
I also get to realize how reliant I am of the most high
That no matter how much effort I give
It is still He who would determine the path I’ll be taking
And that whatever is impossible for me, would be possible for my Lord of possibilities
The creator of all things
The captain of my soul
And the sanctuary wherein I could rest
And be sure that no matter where I get it is He who is with me.

Award

We see others laughing
Thinking how could it be easy for them yet an excruciating struggle for us
We see how their lips spread wide
While our heart breaks apart
We see the brightness of their life
While we see the shadows of our past
We hear their giggles
While we get haunted by our monsters’ growls
But then again who are they  and who are we
Maybe for them we are they and they are we
And we are just all great actors
And getting by each day is our award

Tim

I would like to introduce him
But realized, you already know Tim

Well you see,
Tim is in you and me
Living inside us
With his green eyes

He is the guy who bobs his head
Whenever you sed pictures of your friend
Mostly in facebook and instagram
Smiling widely in front of the cam

Pictures looking straight from the books
Showing you their good life and looks

You would look at it with Tim
And later on feel like your life is a bit dim