Today

Today I decided that I wont go to the gym

That I will eat that pint of ice cream

That I will watch and read all those scenes

That I will let myself feel

That I wouldnt think

That I wouldn’t worry

That just for today, I wouldn’t be bothered

That my dreams and goals will still be my dreams and goals

But I’ll just take a step back

Just for today.

Sometimes

Sometimes, I wish that I am not as invested with my body as I am.

Sometimes, I wish that I just don’t care about other’s feelings.

Sometimes, I wish that I dont pay attention to every detail people say in a conversation

Sometimes, I wish that I don’t set it in me to strive for authenticity, even if it means brutal honesty, in myself

Sometimes, I wish that I just dont care. Period. 

Sometimes. Some times. 

Not stuck

I’ve always been a girl who dreams to live
See the world and experience life
I dont need it to be easy
Just not stagnant and stuck
I dont need to be filthy rich
But full of memories and life lessons
New friends, new culture
New purpose and new capabilities
I want a fresh start, even if it is standing on unsteady wobbly legs
Just, please, not stuck
Slumped at the same spot

Rest

This is the battle I’ve been gearing up for
A battle I thought I could single-handedly conquer and win
But I never thought I’d be too rusty
Or that the time I alloted wouldn’t be enough for a breath and a wink
But through this battle,
I also get to realize how reliant I am of the most high
That no matter how much effort I give
It is still He who would determine the path I’ll be taking
And that whatever is impossible for me, would be possible for my Lord of possibilities
The creator of all things
The captain of my soul
And the sanctuary wherein I could rest
And be sure that no matter where I get it is He who is with me.

Award

We see others laughing
Thinking how could it be easy for them yet an excruciating struggle for us
We see how their lips spread wide
While our heart breaks apart
We see the brightness of their life
While we see the shadows of our past
We hear their giggles
While we get haunted by our monsters’ growls
But then again who are they  and who are we
Maybe for them we are they and they are we
And we are just all great actors
And getting by each day is our award

Tim

I would like to introduce him
But realized, you already know Tim

Well you see,
Tim is in you and me
Living inside us
With his green eyes

He is the guy who bobs his head
Whenever you sed pictures of your friend
Mostly in facebook and instagram
Smiling widely in front of the cam

Pictures looking straight from the books
Showing you their good life and looks

You would look at it with Tim
And later on feel like your life is a bit dim

To Live

Because tonight i feel melancholic
Wishing my life’s a bit different
Not that i’m ungrateful
I just want to live

A strip of that good life of rest
Would sustain me for a while
A patch full of laughter
Would be enough to dry my eyes

My heart that aches with jealousy
Breaks with each snap my eyes linger on
I feel so restrained and lousy
While others are on  perpetual fun

Perfect Timing

image

As I look back on what this year has taught me, I realized that it is to be patient and faithful.

There were a lot of goals I’ve set and achieved this year, and there a lot more to be fulfilled. Some achievements were pushed back and even made me doubt if I would be able to make it, alas my God made it happen and was in the perfect timing too.

At that time as I was waiting and feeling frustrated He kept on reminding me that as long as I made good on my part, then I shouldn’t fret for He would do His part and would even exceed my expectations. And He did. It might not be on my projected time but it happened on His time.

So why am I writing this? It is because He is making me wait again. My timetable has been pushed and reshuffled again and I seem to be in a crossroad, career-wise. And this is a reminder that whatever reasons the Lord has, that it is for my own good. For He knows the plans He has for me. Plans to make prosper and not harm me. And I would hold on to that.  And I know that this is also His way of making me more patient for everyone who knows me, knows that i’m not.

So Gel, be PATIENT and TRUST the Lord. And do not be anxious. He got this.